It’s tricky to give in to the urge to write on April 1 after a long break — it creates expectations of wacky clever April Fool’s Day fun or something. But I am not feeling particularly clever at the moment, so I think I will pass on all of that. I did have a semi-brilliant idea for Jette to use for her journal, so I will consider that my contribution to internet entertainment for the day. But it’s Friday and it’s beautiful out and I am finding myself with a very short attention span for doing useful work-related things, so I thought maybe I’d do a little journal-writing instead.

It seems as if the big news of late is my new job. After months and months of job-hunting with only a handful of interviews which never got past the first stage, I wound up applying for a job one day, getting called in for an interview two days later, and getting a job offer on the spot. Which was really pretty damn cool. I actually get to stay in my department, but move to a much bigger lab where I will have more responsibility. And also I will learn to take pictures of people’s brains, which is fun to say. I may put “Brain Photographer” on my business cards instead of my actual job title. It should be a good stepping-stone to where I’d like to eventually wind up, since my job hunt made it pretty clear that I really am not ready to just jump into my long-term job goals without some intermediate steps and training. Plus my boss-to-be was quite encouraging about helping me get the ongoing education I’ll need, so I’m pretty excited about it. Though also a little jittery because part of me thinks I may fail miserably at my expanded responsibilities. But all of this does mean that I’ve spent this week and will spend next week turning over my ongoing projects to other people, and packing up my office, and that’s all a little sad. I’ve been happy at this job and I really like the people I work with. (And I have a really great office, whereas I haven’t seen my office-to-be and worry that I may be stuck in a supply closet or something.) But even if the funding for my position weren’t running out soon, I really have run out of growth opportunities here. It’s time to go, even if I’m a little sad and nervous about it. Which is all I have time to say at the moment, as I should really go pack some more stuff. But I will come back soon and write about the Best Birthday Present Ever — the bird-and-squirrel (and groundhog) feeder, which has had all four cats, plus Len and myself, mesmerized for over a month now. I fear I am about to become a wacky birdwatcher lady in addition to being a crazy cat lady.

I walked home from work today, I think for the first time since we moved into this house a year ago. It’s probably close to three miles given all the twists and turns of the roads involved, which isn’t so terrible a walk, but usually I’m too lazy for that sort of thing. But it was such a beautiful day, I was cooped up inside all weekend being sick, and I really should get reaccustomed to long walks before the Race for the Cure next month, so it seemed like the thing to do. I went the long way, through the park behind campus, where I used to go all the time as an undergrad but haven’t really been in years. For a while there were too many memories tied up in that park, good and bad, and I just couldn’t deal. In more recent years it just hasn’t really occurred to me to wander that way.

Today I spent a few minutes by the pond, watching little fish darting through the water almost too fast to see, remembering a day in my senior year of high school, at least four lifetimes ago, when I came to campus for a weekend visit. I remember wandering over to that pond just this time of year, spring just starting, music just audible floating out the windows of the fine arts building. I climbed up the hill overlooking the pond and sat amid last year’s crunching brown leaves, watching little kids chase each other around on the grass, and thinking this is where I want to be. Miles away from my family, my grown-up life so near I could almost imagine just never going home from that weekend, grinning and giddy with the freedom of it all. I remembered a day two years later when that same grown-up life seemed to be crumbling around my ears and I couldn’t imagine anything ever being right again, being back at that pond, sitting next to a boy and not talking because talking just made things worse, crying a little, until a dragonfly came out of nowhere and landed right on my arm, blue-green and fragile and weird and beautiful, and stayed there for several long seconds while I held my breath so I wouldn’t scare it away. It was shimmery in the sunlight and for a handful of seconds I knew a few things were still okay in the world, and I still remember that moment vividly years later when I’ve forgotten almost everything else about that day.

I’m not sure I’ve been back there since, but it was good to go today and spend some time there and not be anxious about the future or sorrowful about the past — just happy in the present with a beautiful day and all the time in the world to enjoy it. Although I didn’t stop to enjoy it for too long, because I had a plan to stop off at the really good ice-cream place halfway between work and home on that route. Perspective and remembering and philosophizing are all well and good, but ice cream wins out just about every time.